Friday, December 14, 2007

Why Do People Drink So Much Coffee?

I was just reading in Ottawa's "Centretown News" about these people did a budget and found out they were spending $100 per week at Starbucks.

As someone who doesn't really like coffee, I have to ask: what is wrong with you people?

Yeah, I think I'll go out to a bar so I can order a $4 GLASS OF MILK.


Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Gracie Films and the King of Wishful Thinking

At the end of "The Simpsons" you see the logo for Gracie Films, and they play a little tune that sounds suspiciously like the chorus of that annoying 1990 song "The King of Wishful Thinking."

You can hear the tune at

And the King of Wishful Thinking here. at time 2:02.


Thursday, November 8, 2007

Buffalo Wings

Buffalo wings must be made with Buffalo sauce. The standard Buffalo sauce is composed of only two ingredients: a vinegar-based cayenne hot sauce and margarine or butter.

It drives me nuts when places offer just "wings" or "hot wings" and then give you wings with hot bar-b-que sauce or some other damn thing. It's even worse when they advertise "Buffalo wings" and commit this culinary sin. I always send such wings back, and I recommend you do too. They should not be getting away with this. The Buffalo sauce has a specific taste, and that taste is delicious! Shitdog!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

When giving me change, don't put the coins on the bills

Sometimes cashiers hand me my change with the bills on the bottom and the coins on top. I figure they think it makes sense because it looks pretty and you can see at once what change you're getting. However, it really bothers me that they do this.

The problem is that I've only got one hand free. The other one is holding my wallet, which is waiting for the change. So I only have one hand to take money with. I want the coins directly in my hand and the bills on top, because if the coins on on top of the bills they slide off too easily. Sometimes I try to "dump" the coins off the bills, and slide them into my change purse. This is tricky, and if I drop a coin I really get steamed.

The cashier has two harnds free; I don't. So what they should do is this: place the coins in my hand, and then with the other hand give me the bills. When cashiers do this they get rewarded with a smile and a big "thank you!" or sometimes even a "thank you for putting the coins on the bottom!"


Boring things that stupid people who've had some college think are very interesting

Written by a friend of mine.

* Conspiracy theories
* UFOs and alien abduction
* Vague speculation on what does it all mean?
* Dreams (not always boring, but usually)
* Celebrities
* Meta meta meta
* Banal one-liners from a handful of intellectually glamorous thinkers,
many french, most namechecked in Woody Allen films
* Serial killers and mass murderers (school shooters)
* The insidious effects of television
* Their drug trips
* Psychic powers and predicting the future
* Alternative medicine and the failings of the current medical model

New ones since 1989, when the movie Slacker was shot:
* Quantum weirdness
* Chaos theory


Saturday, October 20, 2007

So-called "Miracle" Whip is NOT Mayonnaise, Canada

I can't stand the tangy taste of Miracle Whip.

But hey, it's a free country, so if you like it go ahead and serve it.

However, if you try to pass it off as delicious mayonnaise it will piss Jim Davies off.

I have sent back several sandwiches, pita sandwiches and wraps because I ordered mayo and the dipshit salesperson squirts Miracle Whip on it.

Here's a very short open letter to restaurants worldwide (but especially in Canada):

Do not try to pass off Miracle Whip as mayonnaise.


Used Book Stores Suck

It's not common for an over-educated intellectual like myself to hate used book stores, but I really do. Why? Let me count the ways...

  • They are not all that cheap.
  • They never have what I'm looking for
  • They never have much at all
  • There's nowhere to sit
  • The books are never attractively arranged (the image shown was actually on the webpage of a used book store. Note the books piled on the floor. Attractive!)

There is one exception, but this being the Rants blog, I cannot mention anything positive.


I can't stand "Rent."

I can't stand "Rent."

"525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love."

I've been capable of love since, let's say, when I was 14 years old. I'm 36 now, so that means 22 years. I've been in love three and a half times. So this means each year is 0.16 loves. How about love? Seems like love is a terrible way to measure a year. And this is the great idea they START the show with?